On Valentine’s Day, we remembered the stories of love described in literature and cinema. And about stamps in the relations that they offer. Alas, many of these romantic scenarios do not help us build our own relationships, but only lead to disappointments. Than the heroes of novels and films are not like us?
Growing up, we say goodbye to the magical world of fairy tales. We understand that the sun does not look out at the pike, the treasure is not buried in the garden, and an all -powerful genie will not appear from the old lamp and will not turn the harmful classmate into a drying.
However, other illusions are replaced by others – those who generously supply us with romantic films and books. “Romanticism contrasts Love Rutin, passion – a reasonable choice, the struggle – a peaceful life,” says philosopher Alain de Botton. Conflicts, difficulties and intense expectation of a denouement make a work exciting. But when we ourselves try to think and feel like the heroes of our favorite film, our expectations turn against us.
Everyone must find their “second half”
In life we meet many options for happy relationships. It happens that two are married for pragmatic reasons, but then they are imbued with sincere sympathy for each other. It happens like this: we fall in love, but then we understand that we cannot get along together, and decide to part. Does this mean that the relationship was a mistake? Rather – valuable experience that helped us better understand ourselves.
Stories in which the heroes are now reduced, then fate breds in different directions, as if teasing us: ideal-here it is, wandering around somewhere nearby. Hurry up, look at both, otherwise you will miss your happiness.
In the film “Mr. Nobody” the hero lives several options for the future. The choice that he makes in childhood reduces him with three different women – but only with one he feels truly happy. The authors warn: our happiness depends on the choice made. But this choice sounds radically: either find
the love of all life, or make a mistake.
Even having met a suitable person, we doubt whether he is so good? Or maybe it was necessary to quit everything and leave to travel with the photographer who so beautifully drank under the guitar at the corporate party?
Having accepted these rules of the game, we doom ourselves to eternal doubts. Even having met a suitable person, we doubt whether he is so good? Does he understand us? Or maybe it was necessary to quit everything and leave to travel with that guy-photographer who so beautifully set down under the guitar on a corporate party? What these throwing can lead to is evident in the example of the fate of Emma Bovary from the novel by Flaubert.
“She spent all her childhood in the monastery, surrounded by drunk romantic fairy tales,” thinks Allen de Botton. – As a result, she inspired herself that her chosen one should be a perfect being, who could deeply understand her soul and at the same time excite her in an intellectual and sexual relationship. Not finding these qualities in her husband, she tried to see them in lovers – and destroyed herself “.
Love needs to be conquered, but no need to support
“A huge part of our lives takes place in a passionate desire and finding what we do not even imagine,” writes psychologist Robert Johnson, author of the book “We are the deep aspects of romantic love”. – constantly doubting, changing one partner to another, we do not have time to find out what it feels like – to be in a relationship. “. But is it possible to blame yourself for it? Isn’t this model we see in Hollywood films?
Lovers are divided, something constantly interferes with their relationship. Only by the finale do they finally find themselves together. But how their fate will develop further, we do not know. And often we don’t even want to know, because we are afraid of the destruction of the idyll achieved with such difficulty.
Trying to capture the signs that fate allegedly sends us, we fall into self -deception. It seems to us that something from the outside is managing our life, and as a result we are moving away from responsibility for our decisions
“In the life of most of us, the main challenge looks different than in the life of literary and movie heroes,” says Alain de Botton. – Find a partner who suits us is only the first step. Then we have to get along with a person whom we barely know.
This is where the deception that is enclosed in the idea of romantic love is opened. Our partner was not born in order to make us happy. Perhaps we will even understand that we were mistaken about their chosen one. From the point of view of romantic representations, this is a disaster, but sometimes this is exactly what prompts partners to recognize each other better and end with illusions. “.
If we doubt it, life will tell you the answer
Romanes and film scores are subordinate to the laws of the narrative: events are always built as the author needs. If the heroes break up, then after many years they can definitely meet – and this meeting will ignite their feelings. In life, on the contrary, there are many coincidences, and events often occur inconsistently, without communication with each other. But the romantic mindset makes us look for (and find!) connections. For example, we can decide that an accidental meeting with former love is not at all accidental. Maybe this is a hint of fate?
Anything can happen in real life. We can fall in love with each other, then cool, and then reward again how dear our relationship is. In romantic literature and cinema, this movement is usually unilateral: when the heroes understand that feelings have cooled, they diverge in different directions. If the author does not have other plans on their account.
“Trying to capture the signs that fate allegedly sends us, we fall into self -deception,” says Alain de Botton. “It seems to us that something from the outside is managing our life, and as a result, we are moving away from responsibility for our decisions.”.
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